Mercy!
by blink14elf
Summary: Jack Bauer faces off Sherry in a game of mercy! As the leaders of their gangs, its vital that they win! One of the many challanges that Jack faces during his 24 hour job. Each chapter, one hour.
1. 12:00 PM 1:00 AM

24 Parody

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 AM

"Jill, it's a first, but we have a serious problem here at the office," the president announced. Palmer had a strange tendency to calling Jack Jill, and sometimes Kiefer.

"Whoa there! Don't talk so fast!" Jack was a little out of it from being awake 24 hours every day for five seasons. "What was that first thing you said?"

But by that time, the president had been reduced lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth muttering, "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water… Jacqueolate milk, Jacqueolate milk," in a very heavy Swedish accent.

Jack decided to deal with the situation by stirring very energetically multiple jugs of coffee then proceeding to dump them on himself.

Chloe walked in. "Jack?"

"I have yet to master the complexities of drinking."

Chloe ran.

12:15.57, 12:15.58, 12:15.59 BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Time to save the world…again!" Palmer proclaimed.

"Dude, that's my job. No one steals the spotlight from Jack!" Jack let out a screech and jumped on innocent passersby, pretty much anyone except for the president. He was the boss, after all.

"Yo man, who do you think you are?" asked a scary lady in ghetto clothes with a bunch of other frightening women around her.

"You're frightening!" Jack whined.

The woman turned out to be Sherry, with her newly created gang that included Nina, Kate, Audrey, and Michelle.

"How come I'm not in the gang!" Chloe complained with her awkward speech.

"You're not cool enough," said Sherry.

"Hey Hun! I didn't know you were in a gang!" exclaimed the president.

"It's a new thing I'm trying out, kind of like a second job. You think I can pull it off?" Sherry wondered.

"Definitely. So what are you doing now, fighting a rival crew?" asked David Palmer.

"Actually, yes." Jack magically appeared in his street clothes, with his gangster buddies Chase, James, and Tony. "You wanna fight? Let's fight!"

"Wow, the white collar jobs not working for any of you, huh?" the president asked. The two rival gangs continued to make cool poses and show off their bling, occasionally making worthless statements like 'Want me to put some hurt on you?' but never actually hurting each other.

12:49.57, 12:49.58, 12:49.59 BEEP BEEP BEEP

After maybe 30 minutes of this 'intimidation' of the two gangs in the office, the employees were getting bored. Cries of complaint for the no pay for the overtime were commonly heard.

Palmer had an idea. "Hey you two, how about a game of mercy?" the president asked to the leaders of both gangs. "Just to liven things up a little."

"I'm ok with it if you are, Sherry," Jack said.

"Sure. You know, we should have you over more often, Jack. How does lunch Sunday sound?" asked Sherry.

"Wonderful! I'm bringing the chicken salad!"

"Ok now on to the game!" said Palmer.

The members of both gangs cheered their leaders on as Jack and Sherry joined hands.

"Ready to loose?" asked Jack.

"I don't think so!" shouted Sherry.

"Ready, set, go!" shouted Palmer.

Sherry proceeded to dig her fingernails into the backs of Jack's hands, while Jack tried to twist his opponent's arms in ways they are not supposed to go.

Sherry and Jack were struggling for several minutes. Finally a coworker decided to make things interesting. He looked around for something he could use to create more action in this rumble, but all he could find was half a pot of Jack's coffee. He snuck up to the fighting two, and before anyone could stop him, he dumped the scalding coffee all over both opponents' hands.

Jack, of course, was use to the burning pain, since a regular pour was often a part of his day. Unfortunately for Sherry, she had normal reflexes.

"Ahhhhh! The pain! The pain!" Sherry exclaimed in pain. "Mercy!"

"Yes! Yes yes yes! I am king!" Jack was excited. He dropped Sherry's hands, which she held and examined in pain.

"You've won this round, Jack!" Sherry spit out his name in disgust. "But I'll be back for more!"

12:59.57, 12:59.58, 12:59.59, 1:00.00 BEEP BEEP BEEP


	2. 1:00 AM 2:00 AM COMMERCIAL BREAK

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN THE COMMERCIAL BREAKS OF 1:00 AM AND 2:00 AM

Back in the office, Jack was playing with a tape measure and looking bored. _I hate these commercials_, he thought. _They always get in the way of me defusing the bomb, or dying, or something. _

He got up, dropped the measuring tape, and started pacing. He seemed oblivious to the obvious cries of discontentment, shredding machines attacking his pants, and catcalls that surrounded the room as he paced over the desks and belongings of his coworkers.

"Somebody help me! These god dang commercials are driving me crazy!" Jack shouted unnecessarily, as all the associates in the office were staring at him, in a momentary silence. Papers swished slowly to the floor, the rings of far off phones died off, and the sounds of the copy machines ceased.

"Right, then. I'll see you all later…" Jack broke the awkward silence, and slowly backed away.

"See ya cutie!" Tony called out, hopeful. _I can never get him to notice me, _he thought. "There's nothing worth living for!"

As Jack was walking away, he heard a crash of a window, and the impact of something falling on a cat out in the street, but ignored it. At least 7 people tried to commit suicide during the commercials of each hour, but they were always back for their cues.

_Argh! I'm so bored! _Jack thought, as he walked back to his desk. _And I hate these stupid anger management toys they give me! I don't have anger issues! I am perfectly normal!_

In a rage, Jack swept everything of importance off of his desk, and smashed all of the serene coffee cups that read THESE THINGS HAPPEN, while screeching like Tarzan and roaring like King Kong.

Three cubicles away, Kate sighed. She knew how Jack got during a suspenseful commercial. She picked up her walkie talkie, concealed with her gun behind her ear. A magician taught her to do that. She looked around; making sure no one could witness her suspicious actions, and tell Jack. She stood up, and dived under her desk. Peaking out, she whispered into her communication device, "Code Red! I repeat Code Red! Get someone out there now, before anyone gets hurt!" On the other end was the office's discreet team of security, used only during commercials when the characters were bored.

The head of the security was Chloe, still bitter about not being allowed to join Sherry's gang. She was the bouncer, and stood in front of Jack with her arms crossed, sunglasses on her face. "Jack, this is security! I repeat, this is the office security! If you don't stop your massacre, we'll be forced to take action!"

Still Jack flew into angry seizures, destroying some poor random person's office space.

"Well then, you know what to do, men." Chloe nodded to them, as they kneeled on the floor, their weapons drawn.

Her crew proceeded in the following way. Some fired their bow staffs, making cute little hearts and shapes on the walls of the cubicle; others had medieval flails that they swung around with, without a care. The amateurs were given mines, to see how things would work out. And Chloe's two right hand men charged at Jack with the same screech that Bauer had made earlier. With stun guns in hand.

_Zzzt! Zzzt! Zzzzzzzzzzz _"That's enough, Charles," _zzzt! _

"Well, I think that did the job pretty well." Chloe said. "Haul 'em out, boys." She was referring to Jack. He would require medical attention.

"Hello, everybody. My, my, what ever has happened to poor Jackie here?" Sherry appeared, properly dressed, in the office. She really was a sweetie, when not in her ghetto clothes.

"Well if it isn't Sherry Palmer, what a joy." Chloe obviously holds grudges. "What does it look like happened? Obviously, me and my crew, took out Jack, simple as that. We're much tougher than your pathetic gang."

"Oh no you didn't just say that, homie. Cause if you did, then we got a problem up in here." Sherry's street clothes were back on, and the members of her gang appeared from behind the other cubicles, looking nasty and taking off their headsets.

"You wanna bet, _Misses_? 'Cause I know no Stepford wife is gonna come and _challenge_ me, am I right? Or are you just stupid up in your head?" Sherry and Chloe closed in on each other, up in each other's faces, nose to nose.

"Now, now. Look what we have here. My two favorite people in the world, fighting. I think I'm tearing up! Sherry, whose gang is my rival, and Chloe, who continually stuns me unconscious. Well baby I'm back!" Jack exclaimed, amused.

"Oh I get you, Jack! A three way fight. Genius! All brains, and no brawn, little man," Sherry said. The two girls snickered at that.

"Hey, stupi-" Jack started, but Chloe cut him off.

"Enough of this. Let's get down to buisiness. Check it!" Chloe shouted.

Everyone kind of stood there, unsure how to start. Violence, well that was out of the question, of course. This was the office! They were respectable people! It was a battle of intimidation, and wits. Unfortunatly.

At Jack's base, he was pacing back and forward. He just couldn't figure out how to master these two other, well, masterminds. There must be a way!

Over at Sherry's base, by the Xerox machines, she was worried. She had battled jack before, and it wasn't easy. He was practically immortal. Then she had an idea.

Chloe, in the cubicles, received a text. _'u an me, team , I no his weakness.' _Chloe was stunned. Her, team up with Sherry! She hadn't considered it, but I could be their only chance against the main character. She replied.

Ding! Sherry received the text. '_wat is it?' _Sherry replied with one word. And over in the cubicles, Chloe smiled. And even started giggling.

The three leaders met in the middle. It was time.

"Jack? You gonna start?" Sherry asked, sweetly.

"Yes, actually. I-"

"Well that doesn't work for me. Girl, bring it out." Chloe said.

With one thrust, Sherry brought the tape measure that Jack had so carelessly thrown on the floor. With one push of one button, she brought Jack down to his knees.

"No! No! Anything but that! Please, not that, not that. You're sick! Don't do this to me!" Jack yelled, crazed. Because that tape measure happened to be a modern tape measure, with a speaker in it to record measurements. "Not the recording!"


	3. 3:00 AM 4:00 AM Part 1

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00 AND 4:00 AM.

Jack has been feeling maniacal today. Extremely so. He was almost like one of those commercials where people haven't had coffee in the morning. But this was not true with Jack. He had had his fair share at 2:00 AM and was frequently spazzing and having the intense need to use the bathroom. Experts say that the coffee overdose might have impacted the need to be villainous.

He woke up with a seizure. And an evil smile crept on his face. And here is how his morning went.

He used up all the hot water. He left the seat up. He drank out of the carton. He finished all the good cereal, except for the dust left in the bottom. And the worst part is, he stole all the prizes. Then he headed off to work. _Dun dun dun! _

Jack burst through the door, laughing hysterically. Choking, sputtering, rolling on the ground, etc. He had just closed the elevator door after some guy yelled to Jack, _hold the door!_ Jack chuckled, recollecting himself. Then burst to tears from laughter when recalling his daring lane swerving drive to work. He decided to play some tricks on the innocent passersby and other drivers. He got really excited when he saw a student driver car.

So he was wondering, just why is everybody against driving on the left side of the road? He became outraged by all of this discrimination. So he veered left, into oncoming traffic, dodging cars, and overall causing a ten plus car pile up. No one got hurt, but it was fun freaking the pedestrians out. The best part was, he even went a little over the speed limit! Gasp! Hee hee.

Anyway, back at the office, he was still causing mischief. You know, the classics, going into their files and deleting their work, making prank phone calls from the boss, etc. But that mischief was just the beginning.

3:29.57, 3:29.58, 3:29.59, 3:30.00 BEEP BEEP BEEP


End file.
